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If you’ve been a frequent visitor here, then you know about my dating shenanigans. You read about the 7 dates in 10 days, the blow off via text message and then deleting my online profile. During the online dating trial, I met someone through a mutual friend. She’d been trying to get us to meet for about a year and we both, separately, kept saying no, just not ready. When we finally met, in the midst of a bunch of first dates, I thought he was nice but would just be a friend. Someone to grab dinner with or a glass of wine, with no pressure. Fine by me!
Well the more time we spend together, the more we learn about each other, the more we like each other. I can’t remember the last time things have moved slow and developed naturally, no forcing, no trying to race to the end, just taking things one day at a time. I really like the pace and I really like him, more each time we get together.
I honestly don’t know where things are going and I’m not getting ahead of myself. I’m trying to be present in each moment and enjoy it for what it is.
On Sunday, I went for my first ride on a motorcycle (and helicopter for that matter) in a very, very long time. As we went around curves in the road or made a turn, I didn’t even think about it, my body just leaned into it. Because that’s what you do on a motorcycle, you lean into the turns and the curves.
I keep thinking about how I can embrace this in my life. Lean into it, instead of fighting it or doing things that I think I ‘should’ or ‘should not’ be doing. See how it feels to Lean In, to embrace THIS life in THIS moment. Don’t look too far into the future or back into this past. BE in the moment and lean into it.
Most days I enjoy being alone. I like coming home to a quiet house, well except for one very whiny cat. I can eat the almond butter out of the jar without worrying about double dipping. There is no one home waiting for me so I don’t have to check in with anyone if I’m going to be late.
And yet, I miss having someone to check in with if I’m going to be late. I miss coming home and having someone to share my day with and to hear about theirs. I love my quiet Sunday mornings but they would be more enjoyable with someone here to share coffee and read the paper side by side.
If you’ve been reading lately, you know I decided to do the whole online thing to get back out into the dating world. I have since decided to deactivate my online profile. It was beginning to feel a bit ‘yucky’, for lack of a better word. I may go back to it but for now, I’m taking a break. I was beginning to see old patterns emerge, feeling a bit like I was desperately seeking someone.
So for now, I will come home to a whiny cat, eat my almond butter straight out of the jar and enjoy by Sunday coffee and paper solo. I know I will meet someone…it will happen at the right time…until then, I am just fine being alone.
Why is it that some people feel we ‘owe’ them an explanation for our decisions? We all have choices. We can’t make someone do something or share something they aren’t willing to or don’t feel is necessary. We can only choose how we react to their decision. We can hold on so tight to our need for an explanation that we don’t move forward or we choose to let it go and move on.
It is not my responsibility to make you feel better about my choices. Just like its not anyone else’s responsibility to make me feel better about theirs.
While you’re on vacation in sunny CA, you text message frequently. Fun, flirty little messages. When you get home, you actually talk on the phone and set a date for Thursday. You’re nervous and excited but try not to think too much about it. Then there’s car trouble so you postpone the date until Friday. Still all good as you have a great conversation on the phone and you get to go have dinner for your brother’s birthday that you didn’t think you’d make. Friday morning comes and you’re looking forward to the evening. You teach a private first thing then when you’re done, check your phone for messages. There’s one canceling the date with no explanation except “I’m sorry”. Of course you have to ask if you’re being blown off just for tonight or for good. The answer that comes back is surprising and yet not really. The way it is all communicated via text message, well that’s the hard part. Something like this should have been done with a phone call but then that tells you so much about him. One little text message tells you the measure of the man.
When you reach out to your girlfriends, you receive amazing support and love, which is no big surprise. When your mother asks how the date went and you tell her the saga, she replies with one word, “asshole”. When you go out for drinks with your girlfriend, you realize that this is just a little blip in your life. In the end, he wasn’t the right one for you, which you knew already, even though he did make you laugh alot.
So you rethink this whole online dating thing. It feels so unnatural and yet how else do you meet people these days? And you realize that nothing has to be decided today.
Yes you read the title correctly…7 dates in 10 days. The title was suggested by my friend Charlie who said that I HAD to write about my dating adventures. So here’s the lowdown. I’ve been having fun!
Yes, dating can be FUN!
I think its all about the expectations. For the most part (I’ll get back to that later), I have gone into this with very little expectation that anything will come of it all. I needed to get back out and meet new people so that’s what I’ve focused on. And I have met some very nice, super interesting people.
Date 1 was an Opera singer in his early days, we slugged through the mud on a trail with his dog and learned more about each other. Then sat for a couple of hours and had some really interesting conversation.
Date 2 was retired from the same industry I used to work in, construction, and was super nice but just didn’t have too much to talk about.
Date 3 was a Scottish lad who was super smart and thought pretty highly of himself but again, very nice guy who was totally into his son who I could see he adored.
Date 4 was on Valentine’s Day. Talk about a recipe for disaster. Instead it was the best date of the week, we laughed and talked for hours. We’ve since had our second date, more on that below, and are working on our third when I return from CA. Taking it slow and seeing where this goes…stay tuned
Date 5 was retired Navy who worked in Intelligence and travelled all over the world. Another super nice, interesting guy and a total gentleman.
Date 6 was more of a get together with a couple friends who have wanted me to meet their neighbor for years. The four of us drank alot of wine and laughed and talked and then I don’t remember much else…it was A LOT of wine! Another nice, very interesting guy but, I’m sure much to my friend’s dismay, there wasn’t really an attraction there*.
Date 7 was a Law Professor who got his Phd from Oxford, was a Rhodes scholar and really, really smart! Very interesting conversation, what I understood of it, and super nice guy.
Then there is bonus date 8 which was with Valentine’s day guy. This is where expectations creeped in a bit…and the nervousness too. What if the attraction that was there when we first met was all an illusion, what if we didn’t have anything to talk about, what if??? As I said earlier we have a third date scheduled so those what if’s were a non-issue.
There have been many messages on the dating site that I have not responded to because the notes did not seem genuine or more than one word. It can be quite daunting to sort through the profiles that have some substance and those that lack detail. I almost feel sorry for those people who aren’t sure how to write a profile, have trouble expressing themselves and unsure how to reach out and have a meaningful conversation.
Over the past couple of days I’ve wondered if there was an opportunity to start a dating service for normal, every day people just looking to find love that was more personal than a dating site but way less expensive than a matchmaker. Or maybe just to help people write their profile and coach them on how to compose an email that will get someone’s interest and then how to behave on a date. Maybe I’m crazy but I keep thinking about it. What do you think?
So that’s the latest on my dating adventures. I’m pretty sure the first dates will slow down as I explore things with Valentine’s Day guy (not ready to share any names at this point) and we’ll see how things progress.
If anyone needs help navigating the dating world, let me know…I’ve got a little experience under my belt now!
*since this post, I have spent alot of time with Bachelor #6 and the attraction grows more every day. So I guess you need to give somethings a little more time…