I’ve been on an unplanned hiatus but I’ve wanted to tell you…
That spending a weekend in Myrtle Beach during Bike Week was a ton of fun. Lots of time on the back of a motorcycle to think and enjoy the views. Lots of time with new and old friends, lots of people watching and most importantly, quality time with my love*.
That road tripping with my bestie, her hubby, his son and their dog, was AMAZING! Seeing parts of the country I’ve never seen before with my best friend is priceless! Staying in these little towns and meeting interesting people was just awesome. Like the Harley dude who pulled into a rest stop we were at because he saw me in my cowboy boots, skirt and cowboy hat and had to see what we were doing. We chatted with him for quite awhile. Or our waitress who had moved to the little town of Pipestone Minnesota from San Diego because she wanted to experience seasons and she met a trucker who was on the road all the time and offered her a place to stay. Or our bartender Toni who made a mean dirty martini and owns 14 dogs and is a sled dog racer (is that what they’re called?).
That my best friend got to meet my boyfriend in Wisconsin because he flew up to meet us and we all had a great time. He loved them and they loved him. Of course it helped that he had already made a good first impression by sending us a bottle of wine when we were in eating at the Peppermill in Valentine, Nebraska. Yes he is a very thoughtful man.
That fish bowls are pretty fun and the fish really tasty!
That I can’t wait for another Road Trip. This time in an RV for an extended period of time! I love seeing parts of our country from the road on little two lane highways or dirt roads (yes there were a couple of dirt roads) and meeting new people and hearing their stories.
And most of all I’ve wanted to tell you that life is good…really, really good!
*yes you read that right…he calls himself bachelor #6…I don’t think I will ever live that down!
If you’ve been a frequent visitor here, then you know about my dating shenanigans. You read about the 7 dates in 10 days, the blow off via text message and then deleting my online profile. During the online dating trial, I met someone through a mutual friend. She’d been trying to get us to meet for about a year and we both, separately, kept saying no, just not ready. When we finally met, in the midst of a bunch of first dates, I thought he was nice but would just be a friend. Someone to grab dinner with or a glass of wine, with no pressure. Fine by me!
Well the more time we spend together, the more we learn about each other, the more we like each other. I can’t remember the last time things have moved slow and developed naturally, no forcing, no trying to race to the end, just taking things one day at a time. I really like the pace and I really like him, more each time we get together.
I honestly don’t know where things are going and I’m not getting ahead of myself. I’m trying to be present in each moment and enjoy it for what it is.
Sailboats on Jordan Lake, NC taken from a helicopter
On Sunday, I went for my first ride on a motorcycle (and helicopter for that matter) in a very, very long time. As we went around curves in the road or made a turn, I didn’t even think about it, my body just leaned into it. Because that’s what you do on a motorcycle, you lean into the turns and the curves.
I keep thinking about how I can embrace this in my life. Lean into it, instead of fighting it or doing things that I think I ‘should’ or ‘should not’ be doing. See how it feels to Lean In, to embrace THIS life in THIS moment. Don’t look too far into the future or back into this past. BE in the moment and lean into it.
Most days I enjoy being alone. I like coming home to a quiet house, well except for one very whiny cat. I can eat the almond butter out of the jar without worrying about double dipping. There is no one home waiting for me so I don’t have to check in with anyone if I’m going to be late.
And yet, I miss having someone to check in with if I’m going to be late. I miss coming home and having someone to share my day with and to hear about theirs. I love my quiet Sunday mornings but they would be more enjoyable with someone here to share coffee and read the paper side by side.
If you’ve been reading lately, you know I decided to do the whole online thing to get back out into the dating world. I have since decided to deactivate my online profile. It was beginning to feel a bit ‘yucky’, for lack of a better word. I may go back to it but for now, I’m taking a break. I was beginning to see old patterns emerge, feeling a bit like I was desperately seeking someone.
So for now, I will come home to a whiny cat, eat my almond butter straight out of the jar and enjoy by Sunday coffee and paper solo. I know I will meet someone…it will happen at the right time…until then, I am just fine being alone.
Santa Barbara, Feb 2013
Why is it that some people feel we ‘owe’ them an explanation for our decisions? We all have choices. We can’t make someone do something or share something they aren’t willing to or don’t feel is necessary. We can only choose how we react to their decision. We can hold on so tight to our need for an explanation that we don’t move forward or we choose to let it go and move on.
It is not my responsibility to make you feel better about my choices. Just like its not anyone else’s responsibility to make me feel better about theirs.
While you’re on vacation in sunny CA, you text message frequently. Fun, flirty little messages. When you get home, you actually talk on the phone and set a date for Thursday. You’re nervous and excited but try not to think too much about it. Then there’s car trouble so you postpone the date until Friday. Still all good as you have a great conversation on the phone and you get to go have dinner for your brother’s birthday that you didn’t think you’d make. Friday morning comes and you’re looking forward to the evening. You teach a private first thing then when you’re done, check your phone for messages. There’s one canceling the date with no explanation except “I’m sorry”. Of course you have to ask if you’re being blown off just for tonight or for good. The answer that comes back is surprising and yet not really. The way it is all communicated via text message, well that’s the hard part. Something like this should have been done with a phone call but then that tells you so much about him. One little text message tells you the measure of the man.
When you reach out to your girlfriends, you receive amazing support and love, which is no big surprise. When your mother asks how the date went and you tell her the saga, she replies with one word, “asshole”. When you go out for drinks with your girlfriend, you realize that this is just a little blip in your life. In the end, he wasn’t the right one for you, which you knew already, even though he did make you laugh alot.
So you rethink this whole online dating thing. It feels so unnatural and yet how else do you meet people these days? And you realize that nothing has to be decided today.